Telling My Mirror about Forgiveness - Yeiri Farias
It is almost the eleventh month of the year, and after ten full moons
I am coming to terms with this year and the vision
that I had for myself might not be as unrealistic as I thought.
January lifted the curtain and set my journey as The Fool
and with my shaking hands I set the fire
and fed it, pleading the light to lead my way. In front of my mirror
I recall who I was six years ago and a mirror
image of myself smiles at me and asks, Do I still appreciate the Moons?
We do. What fires burn within me, within us? She presses. The fires
no longer hold rage that clouded judgement with their smoke, but fuel a vision
of desire. My reflection holds a hand against the glass. Did your heart return? Are you still a fool?
I learned to forgive, just this one time, I tell her through the glass, and see her scoff. Franco thought
returning and asking for my forgiveness would undo the karmic tangles of his actions without thought,
without considering how life is a circular track with a mirror
path and mirror walls where we all run aimlessly. I cannot always be a fool
and stop myself from meeting my goals. I set intentions in the last three full moons,
and although August’s moon was for him, he no longer fits my vision
of self-love. Franco returned to remind me to keep my own fire
lit and to trust myself again. The constant hustle that this year created and made me feel like a fire
engine that could not be stopped. I always thought
the pink blooming flowers and the literary experience were only cutouts on my vision
board, and yet, I am living it. The younger woman in the mirror
stares in awe upon my recounting of this year. Open the window and let the moon
in, let me in. She cries. She wants my place but she cannot fool
me. For I am her and she is yet to be me. Little fool,
I soothe her, you will be just fine. Take charge and fire
what no longer serves you. Let go. I dare not be someone who moons
around, and I shiver at the thought
of stagnation. My results mirror my actions and those mirror
the people I see as influences. I am the vision
that I had desired. May the clouded judgement not cover my vison
again. I am not a fool
for forgiving, because it allowed me to let things go again so I could shine. My mirror
image cries, some people don’t deserve forgiveness, and in her eyes I see a desperate fire.
I remind her that it is done out of love, and to exorcise the thought
of not being enough in places she outgrew. New moons
bring new light that provides clear vision. I can feel how my fire
burns brighter now that the fool within me is acknowledged. I never thought
that I could see myself in the mirror and admire my new image like I admire the moon.
Yeiri Farias is currently pursuing her B.A. in English and plans to get her M.F.A. in Creative Writing after that. Inspired by her father and maternal grandmother, she fell in love with literature at a young age, and has an ever-growing list of books to read and stories to write. Her writing can be found in Gypsophila Zine and The Borderline Lit Mag.
