An Egregious Evil Called the Relentless Rumor - Stefan Leiva
“Is Adrian Abbott Secretly Dating Halcyon Hawk!?”
The headline sinks my heart deeper than any floor trap a B-list villain could make. How could I have been so careless coming home from crime-fighting? I thought I imagined the flashing lights while using the secret entrance, still wearing my suit. That night, I dreamt of my secret being revealed: Adrian Abbott, CEO of Abbott Enterprises, Citrus Tech, and Bismuth Real Estate, was indeed the masked man of mystery, savior of the skies, the feathered face Halcyon Hawk. Instead of the dream coming true, I woke up to a humiliating, career-ruining, life-endangering nightmare.
“It’s terrible, Songbird!” I cry as I obsessively browse more articles on the motherboard’s towering screen. “How did I get mixed up in such a mess?”
“What were you doing in Adrian Abbott’s backyard anyway?” My steadfast sidekick Songbird asks as he plays with a bird skull decoration, his feet up on the Teamwork Tactics Table.
“Uhh…” I stutter for a response. “There was a cat stuck in the tree, and I couldn’t just leave it.” I made up a lie. It will surely not convince Songbird, let alone the press.
“Hmm, that makes sense,” Songbird replies, “You always get caught in something stupid whenever helping someone that doesn’t need it.” I don’t appreciate the lip from my young sidekick, but if he believes it, maybe it’ll persuade others as well.
“Is that something everyone would believe?” I ask. Songbird’s sudden cackle startles me.
“No way! Halcyon Hawk is the hero of high intelligence, at least publicly. Everyone knows Halcyon Hawk would never screw himself over like this. They don’t know you like I do.”
“Thank you for your input, Songbird,” I growl through gritted teeth before exhaling a great sigh. “Speaking seriously, this is a dire dilemma. If I… I mean, this innocent civilian is connected to me; his life will be in danger. My sworn enemies will pursue any possible weakness, and a beguiling boyfriend makes brilliant bait.” My life as Adrian Abbott is perfect; I’d utterly loathe being targeted for constant kidnappings like I’m a damsel in distress. “Oh, how do I get myself out of this?” I bury my head into my hands as I hunch over my seat.
“Have Adrian Abbott announce a new relationship,” Songbird says, attracting my attention. “If everyone sees him dating someone else, the rumors will die down, and they’ll know that Adrian Abbott isn’t dating Halcyon Hawk.” The solution sounds so simple, exceptionally easy… too terrific to be true.
“A tempting idea, my caroling canary companion,” I begin, “But who could be a potential participant to play the part? Someone who won’t exploit the opportunity, or worse, leak the entire operation to any ear listening.”
“I’ll do it.”
The thought makes me chuckle heartily, a true knee-slapper. After my laughing fit, I see Songbird scowling at me. Oh… he’s serious.
“I apologize for my outburst, Songbird,” I say coolly, “I’m confused. You want Adrian Abbott to date… Songbird?”
“Not me, dummy,” Songbird corrects me, “My civilian identity. He could be Adrian Abbott’s new boyfriend. You trust me to do it, right?” I shift my chair next to Songbird’s.
“Abso-lutely Songbird! You’re right, there’s no one I’d trust more during a critical crisis,” I exclaim. Songbird puppets the bird skull to nod its head. “How would you convince the crowds that you’re a real couple?”
“A few dates in public, pictures on social media, going official on Facebook. Regular relationship stuff, y’know?” Songbird explains. My silence prompts him to smile at me wickedly. “When was the last time you were in a relationship, boss?”
“Enough of that, Songbird!” I declare, “This plan of yours is possible, but are you sure you want to put your civilian identity through this? You’ll be on the arm of a prominent playboy of unfathomable wealth, which means being under the microscope 24/7. Do you really want to lose a life of blissful privacy?”
“Hell yeah, I do!” Songbird says, spinning in his chair. “Adrian should thank me with a new car. Ooh, do you think he could bribe my professors to pass me?” I shake my head at my childish comrade. Even with his immature illusions of grandeur, I trust his skills. “How’re you gonna get Adrian Abbott to agree to this plan?”
“I… I’ve already spoken with him about this.” Songbird tilts his head with suspicion. “He’s willing to agree with any plan that ensures his safety. Firstly, here’s how to get into Abbott Manor…”
~
The next day, I read one of my favorite novels in a comfy chair to ease my mind and hide from the prying pupils of the paparazzi. My butler greets me in the early afternoon.
“Sir, you have a guest at the door,” Sebastian informs me.
“Send them away, I’m waiting for a very important person.”
“The young man mentioned there was a fresh rabbit skull on the porch.” The words ring a bell in my mind.
“I’ll be right there.”
I swiftly make my way to the door, where I’m met with a fashionably dressed young man. I recognize his petite frame and smooth brown hair, but his soft features are unlike anything I expected under the mask. He wears a signature smirk. Songbird.
“Hello, Mr. Abbott,” Songbird greets me sweetly. “My name is Valerian Vasquez… Songbird sent me.” A beauty like him is bound to steal the spotlight from Halcyon Hawk.
“Indeed, he did.”
~
Valerian and I orchestrate a series of lavish outings, making sure to catch the eye of every camera in the vicinity. We have commendable chemistry; it seems we can’t help but be a daring and dashing duo no matter the situation. Soon enough, Halcyon Hawk disappears from the headlines for good. Until one evening, when Valerian nervously approaches me, phone in hand.
“Uh, boss? You’re gonna want to see this…” I examine the phone’s screen.
“Adrian Abbott Cheating On Halcyon Hawk With A College Student!?”
It never ends.
Stefan Leiva is a second year graduate student in the MFA Program for Creative Writing. He is a queer fiction writer who has dabbled in creative non-fiction. His stories center around queer youth and their experiences with identity, relationships and adolescence. He aims to work as a creative writing professor in the time he isn't writing every novel that comes to mind.
